NetCynics Blog

Oh, this has to be a classic:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Force the drivers of conventional 2wd vehicles to give way to the drivers of 4×4 vehicles at all times.

Yeah right. Attempting to take it even slightly seriously for a microsecond, I can just see it now: crowds stopped at junctions with drivers walking around the back to check model specs, asking whether a given X-Trail or RAV-4 was in 2wd, auto or lock-4×4 mode at the time, … BOGGLE!!

Technorati Tags: driving, funny, government, idiocy

I doubt it’s the first, but it’s the first one I’ve noticed. A petition that doesn’t really understand the difference between a theory and a hypothesis.

It seems to start out well:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Expand the teaching of Scientific Hypotheses in schools.

Fine, if schools are teaching various hypotheses then, by all means, teach a few of them, and teach what it means for something to be a hypothesis. Sadly, very quickly, the detail of the petition descends into nonsense:

Darwinian Theory, as has been taught in schools for decades, is generally accepted as fact

Fair enough, and with good reason.

To be fair, we ask the Prime Minister to make it mandatory that Intelligent Design be taught as an equally plausible hypothesis.

Equally plausible to what exactly? The theory of evolution through natural selection? Hmm, okay, I wonder why you might think that makes perfect sense…

Evolution is taught on the basis of the religion (atheist)

Ahh, that’ll be why you think it makes sense. You think that a) atheism is a religion (it isn’t) and that evolution is taught because schools are, what, run by evil atheists? But, no matter, tell me why you think ID needs to be taught too, what’s the backing for that idea?

so Christians and others should be allowed to have their beliefs supported

Because there are no Christians who think that evolution is a good theory that explains the evidence, right?

And there IS scientifically valid evidence for ID, just as there appears to be for Evolution

Cute. Notice how there is evidence for ID but there appears to be evidence for evolution?

If this country bans one religion’s belief on how we came to be, we should abandon all religious beliefs - even atheist beliefs (evolution) and therefore, have no basis to question our existence- just accept it and move on. Thus putting and end to “science.” This is not recommended, however.

It’s hard to know where to start with this bit. First of all the author makes the normal mistake of thinking that atheism is a religion, then she makes the mistake of thinking that a belief in the theory of evolution is a required belief for an atheist and, worse yet, she also thinks that no Christian would ever believe that the theory of evolution is a sound theory.

I suggest the author go back to school and learn a) what an atheist is, b) learn what a Christian is, c) learn what a hypothesis is, d) learn what a theory is and, finally, learn that the world isn’t as black and white as she might think.

“We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Make parents responsible for their childrens actions if they are under the age of responsibility.”

First thought: parents being under “the age of responsibility”? I thought that was a problem in its own right…

And from the details:

If a child or young person commits an offence and is under the age of responsibility, a parent or guardian of that child should be held responsible. This would lead to parents bringing up their children in a more responsible way, and eventually help overcome the yob culture we now have to endure. Should the offence be serious enough to merrit a custodial sentence, so be it. The parent must serve the sentence or undergo some other form of punisment on behalf of the child.

Second thought: who’s going to bring them up while the parents are adding to the overcrowding in jails already?

Technorati Tags: idiocy, politics

Don’t you just love right-wing mentality? This one wants to scrap the Human Rights Act and integrate Police and Prison Service into the armed forces, apparently:

To often our press is plagued with stories of street gangs running riot while innocent people suffer at their hands. We propose the scrapping of the Human Rights Act so offenders can be punished properly while the Police are integrated into the Armed Forces, armed and trained to deal properly with offenders. The police and the prison service can then deal properly with offenders while protecting the public properly.

Maybe we’ll start by pointing out how naive it is, relying on the assumption between “offenders” and “the public” is all that clear-cut. For a main course, how would the proposer feel to be on the receiving end of soldiers coming around to his house, guns & uniforms ‘n’all, to “research” a reported burglary?

And how does this proposal facilitate `proper’ protection anyway?

Maybe, since he doesn’t want the right to freedom of expression, he should be the first to just shut up now?

Technorati Tags: idiocy, politics, right-wing

Don’t you just love it when you misread bungedtogetherwordsinurlsandstuff? Take this petition for example:

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/sexorientstop/

I keep reading the last word as shop, not stop. Which brings all sorts of rather strange and worrying images to mind (worrying, who am I kidding?)

Still, at least the author of the petition as some business sense:

Or to stop Christians from having the right to say they dont want gays on their property sharing a double bed.

Single beds then? That way you pack more into your B&B?

I guess I’m going out on a limb here, what with it only being Monday, but I nominate the introduction of this petition for the Typo of the Week award:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Make rule 238 of the Highway Code an endorsable offence and therfore educate drivers that do not return to the loft¹

I now have this vision of a middle-lane-hogging granny who is allowed out to do the deed but has to be home before sundown so she can be locked back in the attic.

1) Yes, I know, I didn’t quote the whole thing, it’s more amusing that way.

This one strikes me as particularly daft:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Make it illegal to keep your car stationary with the foot brake when it would be safer to do so with the handbrake. This will also stop the person in the car behind you being glared by the brake lights.

Now, apart from the misuse of the verb `glared’, has the sponsor ever considered that the foot-brake uses all 4 wheels while the hand-brake only affects the rear two? Not to mention, having foot on the brake is handy when you want to blink the lights to warn eejits coming up from behind?

I guess he probably just doesn’t have enough clutch-control to do it. Wuss.

Technorati Tags: idiocy, driving

OK, so I’m not above a little pedantry in the same way as the ocean is not a little above the sky:

“We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to do all he can to STOP ANIMAL TESTING”

Technorati Tags: funny, government

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This petition:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to asbo’s is a need for something to do!!

Somehow I won’t blame the PM if he can’t figure out what that’s supposed to mean. To be honest, I’m not totally sure what it’s really trying to say myself.

anti social behaviour is is not about getting kids into trouble

Indeed, it’s about people being anti-social. Isn’t it?

it is about spending a some money on community centres for them to do soemthing

Woah! Really? Anti-social behaviour is about spending money on community centres?

all they need is somewhere to go, these less privileged children have no where to go and nothing to do

So anti-social behaviour is only about children? Hmm, okay. But, hang on, they do have somewhere to go and something to do, they apparently go somewhere and do something anti-social.

not everyone has the chance or money to help there children

Or borrow a dictionary from the library.

the national lottery make so much money every week so why can’t they fund these cities for these children who are not trouble makers but bored and have nothing or nowhere to go

If they’re not “trouble makers” why are they engaged in anti-social behaviour and why have they been served ASBOs? And, hang on a moment, “cities”? Bloody townies, don’t care about the hard-up children living in the countryside!

instead of making there lives a misery make soething of there lives!!!

There there.

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Make me a cup of tea.

This petition has been rejected because:

• It was outside the remit or powers of the Prime Minister and Government

By their own admission, Tony and his gang are unable to make a cup of tea. And you wonder why people want him out.